When I meet with a client for the first time, we start to talk about how they might mind their own business. However, after a little while, the following question usually turns up:
‘So, how does coaching work anyway?’
It’s true that a good reply might be ‘well, it depends on the individual’ but we’re all fans of some structure – so that answer doesn’t stand scrutiny for very long!
So, the following structure for coaching is one that I always bear in mind when coaching – but frequently leave and come back to! I see coaching as consisting of four steps:
Step 1: Help the client to figure out what they want.
Step 2: Work on some great approaches and ideas for getting what they want.
Step 3: Help the client figure out how they are getting in their own way!
Step 4: Support the client in accelerating towards what they want.
In my experience, the true benefits of coaching become really obvious in Steps 3 and 4.
Let’s have a look at each step in turn:
Step 1: Help the client figure out what they want:
I don’t know about you, but when I get asked the question ‘What is it that you want?’ or the ‘supercharged’ version ‘What is it that you really want?’ – I put on a serious face, try to think of a great answer, but usually focus on what is uppermost in my mind that day. With entrepreneurial, expansive-thinking, highly energised individuals – the answer is often:
‘I really want x – but I first need to give it some thought – and get then I’ll get started’.
The problem with the question “what is it that you want” is that it tends to focus the mind on the problems and obstacles in the way (and top of that list you will usually find “time”). I find the following question more useful:
‘What is it that you are looking to create?’
The answer? Well here are some examples:
‘I’m looking to create a client base that is very loyal and loves the services I offer – and they are a pleasure to work with!’
‘I’m looking to create a great sales team – one that is positive and innovative. Our business proposition just flows naturally through them to our clients – and sales activity is growing constantly under their watch.’
‘I’m looking to create a great company – one full of creative and energetic people.’
‘I’m looking to create a career that I can feel proud of – proud of my contribution and proud of my rewards.’
And these are unprompted answers! When we use the word create – it focuses on what you can do with you at the centre as the Creator/Doer. And it becomes very clear to a coach, very quickly, if this is something that you really want to do or not.
Step 2: Work on some great approaches and ideas for getting what they want:
The funny thing is, I often get a call from a frustrated business owner or executive simply because he or she has started in Step 2 instead of Step 1 above!
Premature doing. Premature planning.
However, when you start with ‘What do I want to create here’ – Step 2 becomes easy! The ideas flow. The light-bulb goes on! The right people are involved naturally.
The Coaches job becomes that of questioner and cheerleader – and sometimes to touch the brake pedal a little – while you have your foot fully on the accelerator.
Step 3: Help the Client to figure out how they are getting in their own way.
You are probably familiar with the idea of obstacles. Those nasty things that prevent us from getting what we want. A popular picture is the one of:
- Position A: You are Here.
- Position B: This is where you want to be.
- Lots of little dots between A and B. These are the obstacles in your way. Obstacles like lack of cash, lack of space, lack of time, Frank in finance, the economic environment etc.
The trouble with this picture is that it conditions you to look around on the outside for those obstacles and often in areas that you cannot change. You look for mountains to climb, dragons to slay!
I much prefer to start this step with the question:
‘Now that you realise what you want to create. Now that you can see the right steps for starting and getting there – How Are You Getting In Your Own Way?”
Think about it. You are the expert on you. You can do a lot about you. So, what is it about your thinking, what you are doing, how you are approaching things – that is getting in the way of what you want to create? Let’s start here. Let’s make adjustments. And magically see the obstacles diminish on the outside – or vanish completely.
Rory McIlroy has a coach. The Coach looks at Rory’s swing, notices things, gives feedback, makes suggestions – the swing improves! The Game improves. The Coach starts with the behaviour in front of him.
Step 4: Support the client in accelerating towards what they want.
To accelerate sounds a little like speeding – and while speeding may be fun, it’s usually not too good for you! It may involve penalty points – you may end up in the hedge.
‘Accelerating’ for me means figuring out how to start creating faster.
How do you get to the situation you want by making the right choices and decisions for YOU.
Here’s an example:
Business Owner: ‘Ok – so I’ve established that I want to retire in five years and hand the business over to my daughter in a thriving condition. The hours are mad, I’ve too much to do – I do love it – but there just doesn’t seem to be enough time!’
Coach: ‘Why not retire now?’
BO: ‘Excuse me?’
Coach: ‘The way I’ve heard you – it sounds a bit like you’re going over a cliff in five years – but a nice cliff – with nirvana at the bottom. In medical terms – it’s like one single knock-out dose. Maybe you need to increase the dosage more slowly.’
BO: ‘Go on.’
Coach: ‘Ok – start retiring today. Start the process. Practice. Get good at it. Learn to retire from your business for half a day, or a full day every week. Put systems and processes in place that allow you to remove yourself – and feel content in doing so. Make your daughter the boss and get out of her way for that day.
And then we start to plan.
An Experiment for You:
Each morning – ask yourself – What would I like to create today?
- You’ll know you have it when you’re smiling to yourself! Remember – it can be a project, a thing, a feeling – e.g. a feeling of calm throughout the day.
- Remind yourself of three ways, three steps that you will take to create it. Maybe three are too many!
- Just notice yourself as you go through the day. Notice what you are doing, what you are thinking if you are moving further away from what you want to create.
- Then change what you are doing and thinking. If calm is your thing, and you find a feeling of anxiety creeping up as you sit at your desk pouring over figures – get up, go out in the air, talk – do what you need – to get back to your creation.
- Have a go at creating your thing within 10 minutes after thinking of it. If your thing is a hassle-free meeting with Frank – talk with Frank straightaway. Talk about fun things. Do hassle-free conversation with him. Then carry that into the meeting later.
Accelerate. Do bits – or all – of what you want now. Do things in parallel. Avoid the unnecessary bits.