The vast majority of people I see in my coaching practice are driven. They hear a calling deep inside themselves. They figure out what they want, look around for resources and then take action according to their own high standards.
But this passionate drive has a flip side – the relentless pursuit of ‘the goal’ can be wearing for the individual and those around her.
There is a problem with goals….
Maura: ‘Sometimes I think I am too controlling – in fact, I know I am – It’s often said to me!’
Maura and myself had almost come to the end of a ‘project coaching’ session – and this was the start of an ‘oh, and another thing’ conversation.
Coach: ‘Can you give me a recent example of this? A situation where you became aware that you may be too controlling’.
Maura: ‘Sure. I’ve been working with a potential customer over the past month – it’s going very well, and we should have a result next week when they will decide to accept our service. The thing is, I’ve been going back over the situation again and again, tweaking it, looking for different ways to make sure it comes through. It’s wearing me out’.
Coach: ‘Right, let’s make a distinction here. Do you have control over the outcome?’
Maura: ‘Sure – it’s a hair’s breadth away. I just have to keep at it and it will come through’.
Coach: ‘OK, do you have control over your customer’s decision – whether they say yes or they say no?’
Maura: ‘Er, no’.
The Difference between Process and Outcome Goals.
You may have an outcome you are looking for – to get that great customer, that great job or to lose five kgs by the summer. The problem with focusing on each of these outcomes is that we often become obsessed by them!
Am I there yet? Has the customer called back? Is there anything in the post today?
The Outcome is ‘Out there’ – you cannot do anything about bringing it into your life just this second. Maybe you could ‘wish it into your life’ right now (is that The Secret?) – but many people turn into headcases – obsessing and trying to control things that are outside their immediate control.
What starts out as a motivating optimism when setting the Big Goal – turns to the fear of not achieving it. The trick is to concentrate instead on what can be done, what is inside your control right now – the Process.
Taking process steps, setting process goals.
If you really do want to lose five kgs by the summer – picture yourself wearing those new clothes, notice yourself feeling more energetic – and then forget about it! Put that outcome goal away.
Instead – concentrate on the process – that which is inside your control.
Decide what you can do.
- A daily 30 minute walk? Check!
- Finish your eating before 8pm each night? Check!
- Use the stairs each day instead of the lift? Check!
- Write down your calorie intake for the day? Check!
And measure your progress from time to time. Adjust your doing as necessary.
Process goals give you a focus on what you can do – you become more in control of your day. At the end of the day, or the week, you can check your progress towards your outcome goal. Then adjust your process goals to get you back on track towards your outcome goal – keeping a healthy interplay between the two.
Coach: ‘So, Maura – what will getting that customer do for you?’
Maura: ‘It will make me very happy – on target for the year.’
This is often the hidden problem with Outcome Goals and driven people. Somehow, they have constructed an equation in their head as follows:
“If I get this outcome (which is outside my control) – then I will be happy.”
Which is completely crazy (usually the clients own words). This is giving away ownership of your happiness to someone else.
‘You’re right – it is crazy!’ Maura noticed.
She then set things up so she was not just relying on one customer. And she noticed that she was already doing a lot that was inside her control – process steps – to get the outcome she wanted.
And then she relaxed – and felt more in control than ever.
Question: How does your Goal-setting Work for you? What do you need to change?